* Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. – George Carlin
* “No comment” is a comment. – George Carlin
* Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything! – Steve Martin
* I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
* A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. – Dennis Miller
* Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution. – Jay Leno
* Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. – Chris Rock
* You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want togo to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more? – Chris Rock
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