March 31, 2008
This is Creepy
Think of a letter between A and W.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Keep going . . . Don’t stop … .
Think of an animal that begins with that letter.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Think of either a man’s/woman’s name that begins with the last letter in the animals name
Almost there……..
Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
Take the hand you FIRST counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level.
Look at your palm very closely…
…and notice the lines in your hand.
Do the lines take tform of the first letter in the persons name?!
Of course not……
Now TAKE THAT HAND AND smack the shit out of yourself, get a life, and quit playing stupid games!
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Keep going . . . Don’t stop … .
Think of an animal that begins with that letter.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Think of either a man’s/woman’s name that begins with the last letter in the animals name
Almost there……..
Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
Take the hand you FIRST counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level.
Look at your palm very closely…
…and notice the lines in your hand.
Do the lines take tform of the first letter in the persons name?!
Of course not……
Now TAKE THAT HAND AND smack the shit out of yourself, get a life, and quit playing stupid games!
March 29, 2008
The Supermarket
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”
She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
”No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party, that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”
She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
”No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
Im an Orange
You Are an Orange |
 You have a zest for life, especially for anything colorful, wild, or dramatic. You have a unique take on the world, and you're not afraid to be a little funky. You are a bit reserved toward people who don't know you well. You have a thick skin, which can protect you from anything that goes wrong in your life. Once someone does get to know you, they totally get and appreciate you. Your friends see you as a bright person with a refreshing take on life. |
Im an Orange
You Are an Orange |
You have a zest for life, especially for anything colorful, wild, or dramatic. You have a unique take on the world, and you're not afraid to be a little funky. You are a bit reserved toward people who don't know you well. You have a thick skin, which can protect you from anything that goes wrong in your life. Once someone does get to know you, they totally get and appreciate you. Your friends see you as a bright person with a refreshing take on life. |
March 28, 2008
Quick Comment
If life really was “like a box of chocolates,” you’d be able to squish in the top someones head to see if you liked them or not.
March 27, 2008
25 phrases a man doesn't like
1. It’s yours.
2. It’s not yours.
3. Whose underwear are these?
4. My eyes are up here.
5. You are holding the ruler backwards.
6. I’m not exactly 18.
7. My husband is home!
8. You brother is better.
9. Your sister is better.
10. These stitches aren’t from an appendix removal.
11. Can we talk for a minute?
12. When did you get in last night?
13. When did you get in this morning?
14. Why do you smell like cotton candy and have glitter all over you?
15. I threw that old thing out.
16. Where are your pants?
17. Does this make me look _______ ?
18. You left the seat up.
19. Can I come out with you and the guys?
20. Is that porn?
21. Can I have the other credit card?
22. My brother needs a place to stay for a while.
23. What lab results are these?
24. Why do you have condoms when I am on the pill?
25. Where are you?
2. It’s not yours.
3. Whose underwear are these?
4. My eyes are up here.
5. You are holding the ruler backwards.
6. I’m not exactly 18.
7. My husband is home!
8. You brother is better.
9. Your sister is better.
10. These stitches aren’t from an appendix removal.
11. Can we talk for a minute?
12. When did you get in last night?
13. When did you get in this morning?
14. Why do you smell like cotton candy and have glitter all over you?
15. I threw that old thing out.
16. Where are your pants?
17. Does this make me look _______ ?
18. You left the seat up.
19. Can I come out with you and the guys?
20. Is that porn?
21. Can I have the other credit card?
22. My brother needs a place to stay for a while.
23. What lab results are these?
24. Why do you have condoms when I am on the pill?
25. Where are you?
March 26, 2008
Banna Test
There is a very, very tall coconut tree and 4 animals, King Kong , an Ape, an Orangutan and a Monkey pass by. They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Got your answer? Click and drag your mouse thru the next few lines to see how you did.
Orangutan = you’re dull & normal
Ape = you’re a moron
Monkey = worse, you’re an idiot
King Kong = you’re hopelessly stupid
Why?????
A Coconut tree doesn’t have bananas !
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Got your answer? Click and drag your mouse thru the next few lines to see how you did.
Orangutan = you’re dull & normal
Ape = you’re a moron
Monkey = worse, you’re an idiot
King Kong = you’re hopelessly stupid
Why?????
A Coconut tree doesn’t have bananas !
There is a very, very tall coconut tree and 4 animals, King Kong , an Ape, an Orangutan and a Monkey pass by. They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Got your answer? Click and drag your mouse thru the next few lines to see how you did.
Orangutan = you’re dull & normal
Ape = you’re a moron
Monkey = worse, you’re an idiot
King Kong = you’re hopelessly stupid
Why?????
A Coconut tree doesn’t have bananas !
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Got your answer? Click and drag your mouse thru the next few lines to see how you did.
Orangutan = you’re dull & normal
Ape = you’re a moron
Monkey = worse, you’re an idiot
King Kong = you’re hopelessly stupid
Why?????
A Coconut tree doesn’t have bananas !
March 25, 2008
March 24, 2008
Road Trip
Real places….
From Intercourse, Pennsylvania to Climax, Michigan
From Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina to Hell, Michigan
From Spread Eagle, Wisconsin to Hooker, Arkansas
From Cut-Off, Louisiana to Blueballs, Pennsylvania
From Cold Water, Mississippi to Hot Water, Mississippi
From Toad Suck, Arkansas to Monkey’s Elbow, Kentucky
From Panic, Pennsylvania to Fearnot, Pennsylvania
From Boring, Oregon to Eclectic, Alabama
From Ogle, Kentucky to Loveladies, New Jersey
From Smackover, Arkansas to Assawoman, Virginia
From Muck City, Alabama to Shite Creek, Idaho
From Fort Dick, California to Dickeyville, Wisconsin
From Dismal, Tennessee to Peculiar, Missouri
From Gaylordsville, Connecticut to Gay Mills, Wisconsin
From Sandwich, Illinois to Forks of Salmon, California
From Jupiter, Florida to Mars, Pennsylvania
From Big Foot, Illinois to Big Sandy, Wyoming
From Okay, Oklahoma to Uncertain, Texas
From Hornytown, North Carolina to Romance, Arkansas
From Big Beaver, South Carolina to Dildo, New Jersey
From Weed, California to High, Texas
From Success, Missouri to Crappo, Maryland
From French Lick Indiana to Climax Michigan…
From Lizard Lick, North Carolina to Dildo, Newfoundland
From “Bong Bong” NSW to “Humpty Do” Northern Territory
From “Come By Chance” Western NSW to “Iron Knob” in South Australia
From “Cockburn” Western Australia to “Burrumbuttock” New South Wales
From Little Dix Village (West Indies) to Tightsqueeze (Virginia, USA)
From Maggie’s Nipples (Wyoming, USA) to Sandy Balls (England)
From Intercourse, Pennsylvania to Climax, Michigan
From Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina to Hell, Michigan
From Spread Eagle, Wisconsin to Hooker, Arkansas
From Cut-Off, Louisiana to Blueballs, Pennsylvania
From Cold Water, Mississippi to Hot Water, Mississippi
From Toad Suck, Arkansas to Monkey’s Elbow, Kentucky
From Panic, Pennsylvania to Fearnot, Pennsylvania
From Boring, Oregon to Eclectic, Alabama
From Ogle, Kentucky to Loveladies, New Jersey
From Smackover, Arkansas to Assawoman, Virginia
From Muck City, Alabama to Shite Creek, Idaho
From Fort Dick, California to Dickeyville, Wisconsin
From Dismal, Tennessee to Peculiar, Missouri
From Gaylordsville, Connecticut to Gay Mills, Wisconsin
From Sandwich, Illinois to Forks of Salmon, California
From Jupiter, Florida to Mars, Pennsylvania
From Big Foot, Illinois to Big Sandy, Wyoming
From Okay, Oklahoma to Uncertain, Texas
From Hornytown, North Carolina to Romance, Arkansas
From Big Beaver, South Carolina to Dildo, New Jersey
From Weed, California to High, Texas
From Success, Missouri to Crappo, Maryland
From French Lick Indiana to Climax Michigan…
From Lizard Lick, North Carolina to Dildo, Newfoundland
From “Bong Bong” NSW to “Humpty Do” Northern Territory
From “Come By Chance” Western NSW to “Iron Knob” in South Australia
From “Cockburn” Western Australia to “Burrumbuttock” New South Wales
From Little Dix Village (West Indies) to Tightsqueeze (Virginia, USA)
From Maggie’s Nipples (Wyoming, USA) to Sandy Balls (England)
March 23, 2008
All About Women
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . Kill her!!” The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . Kill her!!” The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them.
Politics
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’
Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we ca ll her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’
The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’
The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is deep in crap.
Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we ca ll her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’
The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’
The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is deep in crap.
March 22, 2008
March 20, 2008
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