July 28, 2008
July 21, 2008
July 18, 2008
July 13, 2008
Celebrity Sightings
We saw J. August Richards
(from Angel and other shows) today at MOCA (Museum Of Contemporary Art)
I didn't ask for a picture because he was relaxing and I didn't want annoy him but i did say hello and how i was a big fan
(from Angel and other shows) today at MOCA (Museum Of Contemporary Art)
I didn't ask for a picture because he was relaxing and I didn't want annoy him but i did say hello and how i was a big fan
July 10, 2008
For The Ladies-Because I'm A Man
Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. The AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t a problem.
Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which ”feminine hygiene product” is a euphemism. ( F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function).
Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)…applies to engineers mainly.
Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or sport. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t ask.
Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t…and if you are feeling amorous afterwards…then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I’m a man, , after all, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest… like looking for my socks, or wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t a problem.
Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which ”feminine hygiene product” is a euphemism. ( F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function).
Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)…applies to engineers mainly.
Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or sport. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t ask.
Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t…and if you are feeling amorous afterwards…then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I’m a man, , after all, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest… like looking for my socks, or wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
Murphy's Other 15 Laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well . night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those, who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well . night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those, who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Martyrs
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.
‘This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.’
‘Yes, I remember him as a baby’ says the other mother cheerfully.
He’s a martyr now though’ mum confides.
‘Oh, so sad dear’ says the other.
And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21′
‘Oh, I remember him,’ says the other happily, ‘he had such curly hair when he was born’.
‘He’s a martyr too’ says mum quietly.
‘Oh, gracious me …’ Says the other.
‘And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
He would be 18, she whispers.
‘Yes’ says the friend enthusiastically, ‘I remember when he first started school’
He’s a martyr also,’ says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says…
‘They blow up so fast, don’t they?’
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.
‘This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.’
‘Yes, I remember him as a baby’ says the other mother cheerfully.
He’s a martyr now though’ mum confides.
‘Oh, so sad dear’ says the other.
And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21′
‘Oh, I remember him,’ says the other happily, ‘he had such curly hair when he was born’.
‘He’s a martyr too’ says mum quietly.
‘Oh, gracious me …’ Says the other.
‘And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
He would be 18, she whispers.
‘Yes’ says the friend enthusiastically, ‘I remember when he first started school’
He’s a martyr also,’ says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says…
‘They blow up so fast, don’t they?’
July 7, 2008
All About Eyes
The best relation ever is between two eyes…
“they blink together, move together, cry together, see together and sleep together”.
STILL they never see directly each other.
But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.
Moral of the story: Girl can break any kind of relationships….
“they blink together, move together, cry together, see together and sleep together”.
STILL they never see directly each other.
But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.
Moral of the story: Girl can break any kind of relationships….
Lawyers wil be Lawyers
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while saying, “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I’ll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details.”
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.
“I’m sorry for the delay,” he said, “but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?”
The man replied, “I’m from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone.”
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.
“I’m sorry for the delay,” he said, “but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?”
The man replied, “I’m from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone.”
July 3, 2008
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