Random and Cool Stuff

Wall Dancing

2008-11-04T18:25:00.001-08:00

Pupperware

2008-11-04T17:01:00.000-08:00

Scuba Diving at Santa Barbera Island in Southern California on Sunday 11/02/08

2008-11-04T16:56:00.000-08:00

If The Other Guy Wins

2008-11-04T16:55:00.000-08:00

Kids Learn Quickly

2008-10-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Choose your Caption!

2008-09-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry I Haven't posted in a while... i was on vacation but im back with an episode of choose your caption!

Choose your Caption!

2008-08-16T09:16:00.001-07:00

Hi

2008-08-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

Srry about my break i just have been very busy BUT i will be resuming shortly

Mil HOUSE

2008-07-28T22:56:00.002-07:00

This Guy Needs A Little Head

2008-07-28T22:56:00.001-07:00

iBeer

2008-07-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

2 Chicks Goin' Head2Head

2008-07-28T22:45:00.000-07:00

Camel Bus

2008-07-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

Burni ng Love

2008-07-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

You Forgot Something.

2008-07-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

Take Your Time, I'll Wait...

2008-07-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

How To Throw Away A Car

2008-07-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

Enjoying Summer

2008-07-21T20:28:00.000-07:00

The Cat Carrier

2008-07-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

The Cuss 'o Meter

2008-07-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

Created by OnePlusYou

I thought it was more than that, Damn... Oops!

Celebrity Sightings

2008-07-13T20:04:00.000-07:00

We saw J. August Richards

(from Angel and other shows) today at MOCA (Museum Of Contemporary Art)

I didn't ask for a picture because he was relaxing and I didn't want annoy him but i did say hello and how i was a big fan

For The Ladies-Because I'm A Man

2008-07-10T21:07:00.000-07:00

Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. The AAA is not an option. I will win.

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t a problem.

Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which ”feminine hygiene product” is a euphemism. ( F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function).

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)…applies to engineers mainly.

Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or sport. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t ask.

Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother too.

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t…and if you are feeling amorous afterwards…then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I’m a man, , after all, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest… like looking for my socks, or wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

Murphy's Other 15 Laws

2008-07-10T21:00:00.001-07:00

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well . night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those, who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Martyrs

2008-07-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.

The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.

‘This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.’

‘Yes, I remember him as a baby’ says the other mother cheerfully.

He’s a martyr now though’ mum confides.

‘Oh, so sad dear’ says the other.

And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21′

‘Oh, I remember him,’ says the other happily, ‘he had such curly hair when he was born’.

‘He’s a martyr too’ says mum quietly.

‘Oh, gracious me …’ Says the other.

‘And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.

He would be 18, she whispers.

‘Yes’ says the friend enthusiastically, ‘I remember when he first started school’

He’s a martyr also,’ says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says…

‘They blow up so fast, don’t they?’

All About Eyes

2008-07-07T21:36:00.001-07:00

The best relation ever is between two eyes…
“they blink together, move together, cry together, see together and sleep together”.

STILL they never see directly each other.

But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.

Moral of the story: Girl can break any kind of relationships….

Lawyers wil be Lawyers

2008-07-07T21:35:00.001-07:00

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while saying, “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I’ll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details.”

This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.

“I’m sorry for the delay,” he said, “but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?”

The man replied, “I’m from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone.”

Change Of Heart

2008-07-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

So Far So Good

2008-07-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

This Is Just Depressing

2008-06-30T20:08:00.001-07:00

The Sound Of Yahoo!

2008-06-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

Go to Yahoo.com and click on the exclamation point at the end of the Yahoo logo.

Smile

2008-06-29T10:11:00.001-07:00

Fresh Milk

2008-06-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

Flat Screen TV

2008-06-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

Clogged Gutter

2008-06-29T10:08:00.000-07:00

Back To Back

2008-06-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

Every State I've Been To

2008-06-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

Compared To Where My Dad's Gone

2008-06-22T23:29:00.001-07:00

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

Time Lapse-Ants Consuming A Dead Gecko

2008-06-22T23:12:00.001-07:00

Not for everyone, yet fascinating

Corn Starch and Water... and ELLEN!

2008-06-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

2,000 HP Outboard Inflatable …

2008-06-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

Here’s the latest drug runner toy from Europe…
This thing belts across the English channel 3 times per week and was just a blur on the radar of the British Coast Guard. They were so astonished by the speed of the unknown craft, they brought in a special high speed helicopter to chase it. Drugs were found on board. Of course, you’d have to be on drugs to put the throttle down on this rig.

This Would Be Akward

2008-06-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

The Gambling Blonde

2008-06-16T18:09:00.000-07:00

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, “Come on, baby….Southern Girl needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down….and squealed… “YES! YES! I WON! I WON!”

She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her many chips and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”

The other answered, “ I don’t know.. I thought you were watching.”

Moral -

Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men…..are men.

Wow, Just plain Wow

2008-06-15T22:07:00.000-07:00

My Attempt At The Flashy Seizure Game

2008-06-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

Teamwork, This Actually Makes Sense

2008-06-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

Stop Looking At My Bottem

2008-06-13T06:11:00.000-07:00

50 CENT

2008-06-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

Ninja cat

2008-06-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

Its Times Like These That It Is Good To Have A Small Car

2008-06-04T15:45:00.002-07:00

Sandbox Bully

2008-06-04T15:45:00.001-07:00

NEW! Diamond Shreddies!

2008-06-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

Beauty and the Beast

2008-06-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

Gary's Weather Forcasting Stone

2008-06-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

Toll Booths

2008-06-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

The Army Pays Too

The Pubic Hare

2008-06-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

Numbnut?

2008-06-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

From the 08 spelling b.

Paradise Lost

2008-06-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

The Monster in Your Cell Phone

2008-05-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

Super Dog

2008-05-19T17:00:00.001-07:00

Pooped

2008-05-19T16:59:00.002-07:00

The Worlds Largest Tiger

2008-05-19T16:59:00.001-07:00

Perfect Timing!

2008-05-19T16:57:00.001-07:00

Air Traffic Control (ATC) Texas style

2008-05-19T16:54:00.000-07:00

Dallas ATC: “Tower to Iranian Air 09. You are cleared to land on runway 18R.”

Iranian Air: “Thank you, Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on runway 18R. Allah be Praised!”

Dallas ATC: “Tower to Libyan Air 1102. You are cleared to land on runway 36L.”

Libyan Air: “Thank you, Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on runway 36L. God is Great.”

Pause: Static..

Iranian Air: “DALLAS ATC! DALLAS ATC!!!”

Dallas ATC: “Go ahead Iranian Air?”

Iranian Air: “YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT TO LAND IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS ON THE SAME RUNWAY!!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!

Dallas ATC: Y’all be careful now, hear?”

Oops!

2008-05-19T16:45:00.000-07:00

http://view.break.com/502651 - Watch more free videos

Rocket Man... Wow

2008-05-19T16:43:00.001-07:00

Laid off? The one thing you absolutely need to do on the first day

2008-05-19T08:34:00.000-07:00

You're in IT, right? So chances are you've been laid off at least once from some crappy company and it's going to happen again. Here is my one piece of advice to you. The single most important thing to do as soon as you make it back to your house with that box full of stuff:

Book a flight

Seriously. Do it now, before the initial shock wears off and that logical side of your brain starts coming up with lame excuses. You will never have a better chance to get out and see the world than right now. You have a pile of saving and a severance package. You've got 6 months to a year before your skills start getting rusty. There is absolutely no reason to start looking for work immediately, and every reason to take that round-the-world trip you've always dreamed about. Right. Now.

Trust me, your career will be just fine.

Where to go
This is the easiest question to answer: Bangkok. Seriously, the mere fact that you had to ask the question indicates that you're probably not a seasoned traveler and therefore should be going to Thailand first. I know you always wanted to do Europe, but it's crazy expensive and frankly, it's just not relaxed enough for you right now. You're going to need some serious chilling to recover from a layoff. Southeast Asia has that in Spades.

Make your way to Ko San Road, find a room, grab a Beer Chiang and talk to a few other travelers. Your trip will plan itself from there.

Where to go if it's May
Ok, one modification to the above. Thailand is thoroughly uninhabitable for a few months between May and July. In that case, you're going to Africa. Book a flight to Cape Town instead. Follow this itinerary up through Zambia, Malawi and Tanzania. Everybody there speaks English and you can get a room for $0.75. You'll do fine.

How long to go for
You're going to want to stay gone for 6-9 months. Less than that and it you'll be kicking yourself for not leaving enough time, and you'll be rushing through entire countries just to keep up with your itinerary. I know that this seems silly now, but somewhere along the way somebody will ask how long you've been in Vietnam for and you'll answer "Only one month." Timescales work differently on the road.

In my experience (did I mention that I take about 9 months vacation a year and spend most of that traveling in the developing world?), I tend to start missing work after about 6 months away. By 9 months, I'm pretty much ready to commit to a real job in a real office just so that I can start using my brain again. Talking to other software guys on the road, it seems that this pretty common. You're going to want to come back eventually, so be sure to keep a few good contacts back home.

Regardless of how long you plan to be gone, try to book your flight one-way. It will give you unlimited flexibility with your travel plans and let you pick your return date later when you know what you actually want to do. As a last resort, pick the return date furthest in the future, since it's a lot easier to move it forward than to push it back.

How much will it cost?
I budget about $1,000 a month when I'm traveling in Southeast Asia, Central America, Africa or the Middle East. I seldom go through that much if I'm sticking to ground transport, but over the course of a year if you consider flights into the calculations, $1,000 a month is about right. Stay away from the developed world at all costs though, or you'll quickly triple that figure!

How do I get another job when I get back?
The nice thing about a 6 month timeframe is that it gives all of your ex-coworkers time to entrench themselves in other hopeless software companies. Email them and notice how everything around them seems to be on fire. They need you to start tomorrow. Line up a good offer based on one of their recommendations and book a flight home.

Three Lame Excuses and why they're not valid:
But I don't have any money saved...
You can't possibly be serious. Are you saying that you've been working in IT for all these years and haven't put away a lousy ten grand??? Shame on you. Get a book on life skills and open a bank account fer cryin' out loud.

But nobody will hire me after six months away...
Not true. Nobody will hire you if you're bad at what you do and have terrible interviewing skills. Those things won't change over the course of six months, but you might possibly wind up more relaxed (and with some good stories to tell) and that's actually a benefit when it comes to interviewing.

Regardless of what you may have heard, skilled developers are very hard to find. If you fit that category, there's very little that you can do to poison your resume. Certainly, heading off on your once-in-a-lifetime trip won't leave you unemployable.

But I'm married with a family and a house...
Ok, you win. You're screwed, but that's the life you chose for yourself so you're going to have to live it. It's worth noting, however, that most Europeans wouldn't consider that a reason not to travel. Right this second, there is a German couple pushing a stroller down a remote beach in Thailand, and they're not going home for another month. What's your excuse again?

Why you're not actually going to do it
When you get right down to it, you'll probably find a way to talk yourself out of taking that dream trip. You'll come up with some pretty believable excuses, but really it will come down to the fact that you're scared.

That's cool. Travel is pretty scary when you look at it from the outside. But here's the thing. It stops being scary the moment your feet hit the pavement on Ko San Road in Bangkok. You're going to get blasted by 100 degree heat, power-wafted by smells of the most amazing street food one minute and an open sewer the next, assaulted with music from a thousand bars, and crammed into a tiny room overlooking it all with a fan that doesn't work. And you won't be able to wipe the silly grin off your face.

Book the flight today, because every day you delay it is one more day wasted on the couch, and one more day to come up with lame excuses for why you shouldn't go.

It is all good here. Get on a plane.

20 Geography Facts

2008-05-19T08:28:00.000-07:00

1. Portland, Oregon, where it rarely snows, is about 130 miles farther north than Toronto, and over 200 miles farther north than Boston.
2. On France’s southern Mediterranean coast, Cannes, the sunny summer playground of the rich, which is sometimes incorrectly called ‘tropical’, is about 10 miles farther north than Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
3.
Sydney, Australia
Sydney, Australia
Buenos Aires, Los Angeles, Cape Town, and Sydney are each thousands of miles apart and are known for having unusually pleasant year-round climates, and they are all almost identical distances from the Equator.
4. San Francisco and Melbourne, Australia are both known for mild and fast-changing climates, and they are identical distances from the Equator.
5. Estcourt Station with a population of 4 is in the northernmost tip of Maine, and it sounds like it’s probably snowed-in all winter, and yet London, England is still almost 300 miles farther north.
6. The 49th Parallel, which makes up the long and straight US/Canada border in the west, is about 120 miles north of Estcourt Station, Maine.
7.
Reykjavik, Iceland
Reykjavik, Iceland
Glasgow is about 280 miles north of London. Keep going another 250 miles north for Stockholm, another 370 miles north to reach Reykjavik, and 413 miles north to reach Hammerfest, Norway, which is almost 5,000 miles north of the Equator.
8. The entire country of England, with over 50 million residents, is a wee bit smaller than the state of Louisiana.
9. If you combine England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland, then together they are a bit smaller than the deceivingly large state of Michigan.
10. France is about 30% larger than the state of California.
11. Crescent City, California is about 15 miles south of the Oregon border, but it’s about 10 miles farther north than Newport, Rhode Island. In other words, you can still be in California and be farther north than coastal Rhode Island.
12.
Madrid, Spain
Madrid, Spain
Madrid, with summers so blazing hot that most people take a long break from work every afternoon, is about 10 miles farther north than Salt Lake City, Utah.
13. About two-thirds of Africa is in the Northern Hemisphere.
14. Rome, which is located in the center of Italy, is located at the exact same latitude as Chicago.
15. Tehran, Iran, with its scorching summers, is located on the exact same latitude as relatively mild Tokyo, Japan.
16. About 90% of the world’s population lives in the Northern Hemisphere.
17.
Tahiti, French Polynesia
Tahiti, French Polynesia
The incredibly remote island of Tahiti is slightly east of Anchorage, Alaska, which is slightly east of Hawaii. In other words, Hawaii is closer to the 180° longitude the International Date Line is based on than is Tahiti.
18. If you are trying to get a handle on the climate of India it helps to know its northern border is the same as the northern border of Mexico in Tijuana, and the southern border is about the same as the southern border of Panama.
19. Sunny and just-barely-tropical Rio de Janeiro is about 25 miles farther from the equator than Hong Kong.
20. Scientists recently discovered that Florida and Hudson Bay in Canada are getting about 1 inch closer every 36 years. Pass the SPF-30, eh?

The Granny Collection, NY

2008-05-17T15:10:00.003-07:00

How The Chinese Train Thier Army

2008-05-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

It's A Trap

2008-05-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

All About The Internet

2008-05-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

One More Choose Your Caption To End This Spree

2008-05-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

Life Instructions

2008-05-12T16:36:00.002-07:00

All About Recycling

2008-05-12T16:36:00.001-07:00

Choose Your Caption!

2008-05-12T16:33:00.001-07:00

If you have a good caption for a picture post a comment with the picture number and your caption i will post my favorite captions, if any on Friday May 16th, 2008

Choose Your Caption Feedback

2008-05-12T16:31:00.002-07:00

Thank You to those who made captions... Not all the pictures are here, but most are

"Because I can, that's why!"

2008-05-12T16:31:00.001-07:00

"...and this is your brain on drugs..."

2008-05-12T16:30:00.001-07:00

"Gimmee that %$#@*@! cookie RIGHT NOW!!"

2008-05-12T16:29:00.000-07:00

Despite their obvious physical attraction, Bruce and Pedro knew it would never work out between them.

2008-05-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

"Droppings? How cool is that? I still have to THROW my feces!"

2008-05-12T16:27:00.000-07:00

"You're right, Carlos! Your new hemorrhoid cream DOES smell like Coke!"

2008-05-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

What a Moron

2008-05-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

Just A Few Things

2008-05-11T19:06:00.000-07:00

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

2008-05-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C% ……… reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where’s my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

2008-05-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

If you have a good caption for a picture post a comment with the picture number and your caption i will post my favorite captions, if any on Monday May 12th, 2008

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My Pad

2008-05-06T15:57:00.002-07:00

Fun At The Zoo

2008-05-06T15:57:00.001-07:00

I'm Feeling Lucky

2008-05-06T15:56:00.000-07:00

Before and After Marrage

2008-05-05T18:53:00.001-07:00

This Week's Choose Your Caption

2008-05-05T18:38:00.001-07:00

31 Things About Movies

2008-05-05T18:36:00.001-07:00

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

23. Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.

24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.

27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

All About Rhinos

2008-05-04T07:33:00.001-07:00

Caution

2008-05-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

Leave Me Alone Box

2008-05-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

Who Would You Cast In A Live Action Simpsons

2008-05-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

Previously on Lost

2008-05-01T19:25:00.001-07:00

You are from Florida if...

2008-04-29T16:33:00.000-07:00

Socks are only for bowling.

You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim.

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.

You dread love bug season.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

You know what a snowbird is and when they’ll leave.

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

‘Down South’ means Key West ..

Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

You’ve hosted a hurricane party.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee and Micanopy.

You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.

You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.

You recognize Miami-Dade as ‘Northern Cuba . ‘

Election Update

2008-04-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

Well, experts say the big test for Barack Obama will be surviving the negative attacks.

The big test for Hillary Clinton, of course, is surviving North Carolina.

The big test for John McCain is just surviving until November.

Can't Wait

2008-04-27T08:40:00.000-07:00